Right Now

Right now, I am...

• Feeling so very tired with the world and all that is in it. Depression and heart ache surely tuckers the soul out.
• Staring at the lounge in disbelief. You should have seen it a few days ago, it's been a tip for weeks and months which is what happens when one has a serious accident and depression. Everything stops. Until Saturday where fuelled by that fire in me like I mentioned earlier, I had enough and the place got blitzed...and I'm now looking around like ..."Did it ever really got that bad?!"
• Dreading tomorrow that I will have to suck in my gut, and have a private word with a certain someone...if I get enough strength in me to do it...if...
• Amazed at how weepy and destroyed I've been today, and getting alot of cuddles from my muma and pops.
• Loving the fact that I won two of four family games played. Scrabble (reading the Chambers dictionary at bed paid off!) and some german board game I couldn't even dream of pronouncing! Birdie always comes last ususally...I'm not the greatest of losers but hey...
• Recalling moments and thinking "why?"
• Hoping for a bit of nice weather and wet soil so I can visit the allotment and then actually dig properly...I'm not joking, the last time last week when I planted beets, I had to use a huge pick-axe to break through the earth...and succeeded in whacking the said axe on my head...
• Thinking of a commission for some baby toys to be made. I got some simple ideas and want to get this ball rolling.
• Surronding myself with inspiration in order to just be that little bit stronger to hold on.
• Loving the hand-made cushion from my brother's girlfriend and reflecting on the goodies of late that came my way.
• A part-time agony aunt! I don't mind hearing of other people's problems. It distracts me from my own. Maybe I should seriously do an agony Birdie thing here no?!
• Trying to remind myself to eat and eat properly.
• Hoping to catch up with my brother more in the next few days. I miss that guy. He's like the only guy I can trust in the whole world and he's a nice distraction for me!
• Heartbroken.
• Off to try and sleep tonight. And wishing you Birdie love. xxx