I think I got a very busy mind. Its impossible to sort through all the things that fly around in this skull of mine...you ask me what I had for tea last night I couldn't answer you but I retain memories of what colour my dress was at my 6th birthday party (purple kinda pink).
I have dreams and ideas that are impossible to pin down and always forgotten when I get asked what I want to do in the future only to remember in the deepest night when I'm trying to sleep.
Then I was diagnosed with not only severe Depression but a mental disorder too...which explained the state of mind I had for years and how I was clever in my head but getting it organised into coherent speech is impossible. I'm now in the early stages of therapy which I will need for years. I'm doing DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) which is pretty deep and hard going. CBT is often a short to mid-term therapy where a patient benefits from doing a course of sessions over several months.
In DBT's case, it's several years and as much sessions as you can handle or afford...you're going that much deeper into a person as the problems are that far deep into them. You are basically pulling yourself apart to understand how you work then reassembling yourself into hopefully a better model.
I recently had to take a break. 18 month or so of constant appointments with doctors, therapists and hospital were taking their toll and I had enough, also financially I needed a break to be able to pay a few bills and things too...plus the therapist broken her shoulder and was off so the timing was convenient!
I didn't want to do nothing in the time off so I bought a self help book called "How to do Everything and be Happy" by Peter Jones.
You can read the blurb about the book
here and what enticed me was the straight to the point book title which pretty much is what the book and the whole idea is focused on. The writing style is straight forward and clear of all the mumbo jumbo and inappropriately long words that just makes it frustrating to embrace the book. Rather, you can actually mentally hear Peter Jones talking to you like a good friend.
The book has some pretty good exercises to do and one thing that helped me hugely was making separate lists of things you would like to experience in your life before you die (things like reading that book you always wanted to read, to trying that restaurant and visiting that country) and another list being your personal wish list (for things like to lose weight, to buy a house etc)
Before, to me they were all the same and having a wish to watch a film right next to the wish of paying the mortgage off, in comparison made the former look pathetic and small and not worth my time.
Which put me off actually going about trying to achieve both small and large goals
My personal wish list is still a work in progress as I need time to decide what I actually wish for in life which is hard to do with a mental disorder clouding your thoughts and making you feel unworthy but my "things I like to experience before I die" list is although small, things gets crossed off and a new one gets added to it so it is a living document.
I really thought this list was going to be naff but as soon as i had some things written up and sorted into categories to make it easier, I realised I actually had things I wanted to do and had dreams no matter how small that I want to aim for.
And I think so far, I 'm doing pretty well!
When I done a cluster of small things on my list, I write up a little summary list and in one month with a new founded direction I actually achieved a lot!
- I went on a trip and stayed in London by myself and explored the big city for a few days without anyone around to help me...which for a disabled person is scary but liberating I tell you! I wanted to do this since I was 17 when I came back from London with my class at sixth form.
- Ate dim sum...proper authentic dim sum in an authentic restaurant...so I went to China Town in London and the experience was bliss! I still dream about the custard buns!
- Bought Macaroons from Lauderee....something regarded as possibly the best in the world, the packaging, the shop presentations and the experience was something I wanted and as a amateur food critic, these were the things you tasted to culture your taste buds to pick up beautifully developed flavours...and it didnt disappoint at all!
- Had my first bubble tea...a wonderful accident that saved me a separate trip and so delish!
- ate cupcakes baked at Humming Bird Bakery....you just had to! And again, another wonderful experience!
You can actually read about this list and the experiences
here
My advice to you in this post is do make lists of things you want to do, places you want to see, food you like to try etc before you die but keep it separate from the things like to lose that weight, to buy that car, to have that dream job...because after all experiences and wishes are two separate things and it's easier then for you to see what you actually want to do and give you things to look out for and goals to work towards.
This is only one exercise from the book and I slim-lined the reading to just this so it isnt the whole exercise as its written so bear with me....but this gives you an idea that sorting out what you write down into more manageable lists makes it easier to see what you actually want and easier to achieve in one part as the direction is more straight forward.
Since writing this posting, I've crossed off more things and added to the list...but thats a separate update for another time...but for now, I'm pretty excited when someone ask me what I like to do or see I can pull out my list and its clear for them and I to see what I actually want to experience...which for a cluster-head like me is awesome...finally I got some clearer state of mind!
How do you organise your thoughts? What things do you wish to experience?
Do you have any books of this nature you could recommend to me?
Give it a try and let me know how it works for you!
Biridie Love
xxx
