brain dead...

These past few days have been a little hard at the moment. We finally fought hard enough to get me on anti-depressants...even if they are the weakess ones of the bunch. They finally figured that a live body was more important than prepping me for surgery and operations that were a long way off. (you cant really do surgery on a dead person no? *rolls eyes*)

 I needed help now not waiting around for a surgical team who has no dealings with mental health, calling the shots over my treatment without actually grasping the bigger picture. Having doctors, nurses, surgeons and all other manners of medically trained professionals coming to logger-heads with each other over a patient's welfare is stressing, nothing gets agreed and what more, the welfare of the patient somewhere along that line is forgotten about ironically.

After hearing what people have to say, I decided to put my cards on the table and get more control over my line of care. Too many people had their two cents to add to the pot and many times it is of no help to me and too many false leads and promises have gotten us chasing down one way streets and finding nothing at the end of it.

 All I say to those in the similar boats regarding mental health, it is hard work but at some point put your cards on the proverbial table and just check that what people say are doing in your best interest is actually what you want. Try and get some form of control over your own health care before it runs away from you completely. 

Question as much as you can like 'are the medication i'm on actually right for me?' 'The referall made for me to see this specialist, am I being directed to the right place?' and more importantly...'Is this actually what I want?'

Being on anti-depressants is too easy and what I keep being told is they rather the patient keep working at it so to avoid the need the medication. Anti-depressants are not natural and causes people to behave in ways different to them. It easy apparently to just take anti-depressants and do nothing else. The hard work comes from actually working against your depression/mental state by counselling, CBT, therapy and all the other sorts of help out there. It easy for them to say that isn't it? Like I said to them, I am happy to take any help offered to me but nothing is being offered and hasnt been for a long while as you guys are arguing over my care!

still, one is getting there finally...

In the last few days, especially since hearing some news regarding my treatments and employment I've been so tired, I sleep for hours and when I wake, I'm drowsy and so tired that all I want to do is crawl back into bed where I just came from! Dont think the weather is helping, especially with severe weather warnings and  month's worth of rain falling in one hour kinda thing. Its more winter here in Devon than it should be! I only hope the Olympics here in the UK gets a break, maybe the rain is falling now to be used up and should be dry by then no? Wishful thinking? we will see!

Just having a quiet bit of time of late, I'm rarely on the internet and only check my emails and this blog  and my phone is off...mostly being broken but that suits me. Im just learning to live in my space again and taking time out and gently push myself out there into doing things scary and things I feel a little nervous about.

I have a small project on hand where I want to turn a large silk hankerchief into a top. It was going to get turned into some luxurious cushion but I like the colours and I want a quirky but cute top to wear out and about but on a really low budget! Lets hope that turns out well!

I've had a few ideas too running though my head and what's been so fustrating is it's gone by the time i remember what it is! I hate how my mind is so resembling of a sieve! It holds so very little and what I need just trickles away!

I'm hoping my head gets a bit more together for the next blog update!

Hope you are having a nice weekend where ever you are!
 

Birdie love.xxx