Right now...

• I have ripped my feet to shreds. Following on from an accident, My feet are ripped at toes, heels, soles and sides and walking has proved a little agony at times! Underneath the soft padding of socks, there's layers of plasters...I look just plain weird in the foot department! 

• My dad has been in and out of hospital for the last week following on from surgery, complications have developed and in unbearable pain, he was taken to hospital twice by ambulance. I'm hoping this is the last of his many trips there and he can actually now recuperate at home. My poor pops x

• Currently watching Game of Thrones season two...like the book, it is brutal! My favourite character by far is Danerys for her kick-ass dragon lady-ness! Though the malicious Little Finger has me torn between whether he's an alright guy or not...he just keeps flipping back and forth on that fine line between love and hate! And Tyrion...what a guy though I do feel sorry for him for what's to come!

• I've come to finally acknowledging how little I trust anyone. I kinda knew it in the back of my head but over time with the help of therapy and the likes, it revealed how many things have happened to cause me to no longer trust what is said, done and in general, happened.  Especially when it comes to affairs of the heart and people I care about, I really don't trust anyone at all. I tend to put my heart and soul out to people and get so little in return that I now no longer don't bother. I hate it, it feels like I'm denying a part of myself but I feel I need to do this. For example, it was recently a friend's birthday ( a relatively major one at that too) and I normally take a lot of care and investment (emotional, physical and financial) in finding a great present but too much experience has taught me to be careful, after so much effort and getting so little in return (hardly no presents let alone a card or any effort back), that friend simply got a card and small gifts that still retained the care and thought that gone into it, but nothing like I used to.  Their actions and behaviours have sadly cause me to step back, put some distance and walls up and keep my mouth quiet. All I will do is simply watch what happens and see how I'm treated and whether ammends are made and such. That's life and people are bound to make mistakes, its how they deal with the aftermaths of their own actions that defines them and whether they are worth having in your lives I guess. Give them a chance to make it up to you and don't cut them out of your lives unless you really feel you have too. Sucks doesn't it but I'm older and wiser in some ways and life is too short.

• Is working hard to save up for some travelling. Certainly next year, I aim to do some travelling. I've carried the wanderlust for far too long and I know that by actually doing it, I would be happy. One destination is pretty much certain but its early days yet to be talking about it (it's a suprise for the hubby to find out!), plus I want to look around a bit more and plot my courses and journeys. I'm no longer going to listen to what others say (their inputs wasnt asked for!) and just going to get my head down and do it! The accident has shown me that I have achieved many great things by simply just doing it and I will continue that streak!

•  I have put weight on! One of the major battles I've had since the accident and certainly throughout the depression/disorder over the years is a poor relationship with food and I was told I had to relearn to and needed to eat again. Now that I am eating and the pounds have crept up, I now need to look at what I'm eating and adjust it. Yes I could blame the medication, the vertigo and physical effects I've been left with since the accident and it's true that they have played a part in my weight gain but let's be real about this right? End of the day, I'm the one putting food in my mouth, I'm the one not exercising enough and it is my fault for it. There's nothing more than I hate than over-weight people blaming everyone/everything for their weight when simply put, they put themselves there in that situation. I'm now starting the wonderfully hard job of losing the pounds, I'm not going to diet (its not a normal eating habit) but simply watch what I eat, ration the portions, bump up the exercises, keep moving and stay away from the food/drinks that makes me weak at the knees. (though nothing wrong with a treat once in a while!) I dont want to lose massive amounts, I'm comfortable being a lovely, curvey size 16 or so. Its not even the weight as such, I just like to tone up a bit and improve my stamina and love myself a bit more. I have used exercise to punish myself in the past (Being an ex army cadet/TA didn't help!) so I do need to be careful but I think that is a reasonable building block to start on, we'll see how we go!

•  Is about to teach burlesque again to some lovely ladies, which will take up one night a week and then I'm hoping to join an art club another night. Let's get me back on my feet a little further now! Im now finding myself reading alot more and actually being able to read better since the accident is making me feel a little happier. All those books around me can finally be read! All those skills I have tucked under my belt, lets use them!

•  I've just realised how much of a geek I really am! I caught myself humming the victory tune from final fantasy when I succeeded in something the other day. Someone compared me to Link from Legend of Zelda for how I behave when I find things (entails holding the item aloft with a big grin on my face kinda thing!) I now know many inside references and jokes to games, films and other popular geeky genres that although I'm still in denial, its leaking out...especially when one quoted the Green Lantern Promise from start to finish the other day....*looks embarrassed*

How are things with you my dear reader? Life is ever rolling is it not? We move from one moment to the next, and time is flying by quicker and quicker.

Birdie love
xxx